The Casual Blog

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Money, and the ballet

There’s a tension between art and money.  Money is instrumental, a means to an end.  It’s associated with commerce and a variety of  tawdry of human attitudes and behaviors. Randy Newman’s song, It’s Money that I Love, is deliciously ironic, since it’s simply pathetic to love money.  Art is different.  It’s nourishing.  It opens doors.  It expresses our best, and makes us better.  Art feels ambivalent about money, but somehow they need to get along.

Last week I found myself reflecting on art and money after Ginny Hall invited Sally and me to take a tour of the studios and offices of the Carolina Ballet with Ricky Weiss, the company’s artistic director.   We’ve had season tickets for the last decade, starting shortly after the beginning of the company, and have seen all or almost all of Weiss’s ballets, some of them multiple times.  He’s a great choreographer in Balanchine tradition.  He has achieved something truly incredible in building a very strong company in our own Raleigh, North Carolina, and we’re so grateful.

As a longtime fan, I looked forward to talking with Weiss, but felt some anxiety about the money issue. I was well aware that the company needed it to survive.  Sally and I had discussed a possible contribution several times and agreed that we’d feel good about making a meaningful gift.  But it was not something I looked forward to discussing.  Where I’m from, we didn’t like to talk openly about money.  I’m not clear on the reasons, but we didn’t talk about things like salaries and prices for big ticket items.  It was taboo.

In the end, though, our meeting was surprisingly fun.  Weiss and Hall walked us through the studios and work spaces, which were not especially beautiful, but that was part of the point.  He made clear that he’s very conscious of managing money carefully, not spending it on things that don’t matter, and spending as much as he can afford on what counts.  He talked in detail of the cost of point shoes, costumes, and sets, of paying the dancers and staff, and of expenses such as disability insurance.  He compared his productions to those in New York, and admitted his sets were less elaborate, but he took pride that his productions cost a fraction of those.  As a person interested in the backstage, I found all this really interesting.

Weiss told us about falling in love with the ballet as a kid, dancing for Balanchine for 19 years at the City Ballet, leaving to become artistic director for the Pennsylvania Ballet, and leaving there under difficult circumstances.  He also described a six-year period of free lancing and searching without success for  the right position.  He said that during this time he considered leaving the field.  (This would have been a tragedy.)  He talked about the Ward Purrington’s long effort to bring professional ballet to Raleigh with no idea of the long odds against success.

I’d wondered whether Weiss, with his enormous and continual creativity, would find it interesting or helpful to have a philosophy of art and dance.  He did.  He seems to view ballet as not simply expressive, but also magical, transcendental, and yet at the same time basic to human existence, like food.  I was surprised, then, that he had no real trouble with the idea that some people don’t especially enjoy ballet, or even actively dislike it.  He didn’t feel compelled to win over everyone.  He noted lightly that someone once took him to a hockey game, and he didn’t particularly like it.

It turned out that Weiss had an unexpected gift for asking for money.  Without any hints from us, he at last said he’d like us to consider giving the exact amount that we’d already decided we wanted to give.  It was uncanny.  I felt happy and excited.  It’s wonderful that we can help with something that has brought us so much joy.

Clara, a car, goes to the track and does what she was born to do

My car, Clara, had her coming out event this week — a track day at Virginia International Raceway.  After several weeks together, I knew she had many virtues — beauty, sophistication, and awesome power.  Clara is the ultimate product of generations of  German engineering genius   a 2006 Porsche 911 S,in a particularly lovely color, lapis blue.  Is this just a car?   You could say so, and certainly, it serves as transportation.  But viewing her that way seems overly crude.  She’s a work of art.

But calling her art suggests stasis, and her nature is kinetic.  She was bred for speed and agility. She is a sports car.  It would be a waste to treat such a machine like any old car.  Thus I felt a certain responsibility, as her new owner, to get her to the track and let her do what she was born to do. I was happy to sign up for the PCA event at VIR, near Danville, Va.

VIR is a world -class road course.  3.2 miles, 180 feet of elevation change, curves of every description, surrounded by forest and countryside .  As a driver in the novice class, I was assigned an experienced teacher, Glenn Mead.  There were a few rules about such matters as passing and emergencies.  But no speed limit.

We did four half-hour all-out sessions.  Like all drivers, Glen and I wore helmets, and we communicated via a wireless system.  Soon Glenn found a few things he liked about my driving, and several that could stand improvement.  At each of the turns, he was looking for the perfect turn.  I hit a few, and he effusively praised these efforts.  Others were not so great, and he made sure I knew it.  The point of the perfect turn, I eventually realized, was to carry and keep as much speed as possible.  Glenn encouraged greater and greater speed.  It occurred to me that he was not only a good guy, but also a brave one.

After a few imperfect turns, I realized that there was an aspect of Clara that was frightening.  I could not sense the limits of her power, and could not tell where I would lose control.  At each turn, the margin of error was thin.  And I didn’t really yet know Clara’s characteristics of balance and handling.  At one point, Glenn reassured me.  “This car is a ballerina,” he said.  “She’ll do what you tell her to do.”

She was, and she did.  We had a few squeals and skids, but we worked on technique. It got better and better.  I got a big dose of adrenaline, and also the aesthetic pleasure of some beautifully shaped turns.  Clara did what she was born to do.

Daunting derivatives and Sleeping Beauty

Tuesday evening I boarded the flight from RDU to Dallas, and was confused at first as I looked in the coach section for my seat.   5E wasn’t there.  It slowly dawned on me that I had a first class ticket, either as a result of a computer glitch or some unexpectedly generous rewards system.  After I wedged my way forward through the human tide and found my seat,  I tried not to look too ecstatic.  Ah, such a comfy, roomy seat.  And so sweet to have a flight attendant who’s attentive, and little luxuries like warm peanuts and hot towels.  My neighbor was a precocious nine-year-old boy with a stuffed toy traveling to see his mom.  He’d flown this route many times.  He wanted to be an inventor when he grew up.

On the trip, I finished The Big Short by Michael Lewis.  I picked up the book on the strength of his earlier book, Liar’s Poker, and out of concern that I probably didn’t fully understand the drama in the U.S. and world economy in the last two years.  After reading the book, I’m quite sure I didn’t.  I now know a little more, but my larger takeaway is that part of the cause is that the mechanisms involved are so complex that they defy conscious human understanding or control.  I don’t think this is Lewis’s intended message.  He tries to create some heros and villains, or at least intelligent actors and dupes.  The intelligent actors had rational thoughts, and realized that subprime-mortgage-based derivative investments were much riskier than advertised.  He casts some blame on clueless regulators and unscrupulous investment bankers.

Lewis implicitly suggests the slightly cheering possibility that if people were more reasonable and diligent, they might set up regulatory and other systems to avoid financial catastrophe.  I found this encouraging message not very persuasive.  There were surely some monsters and frauds involved in the recent debacle, and plenty of examples of unsavory pure greed and indifference to human welfare.  But right now it looks to me like the big driver was the financial engineering of investment vehicles that were practically impossible to understand, even for professional investors and regulators, never mind individuals.  Creating them was far from unnatural.  In nature, technology, and other human  systems, greater and greater levels of complexity over time is generally the rule.  At some point, there’s simply too much for the human mind to deal with.  Our rational systems are overwhelmed, and our fallback emotional systems have no guideposts from experience.  Disaster is not necessarily inevitable, but we are less and less in control.  Yes, it’s scary.

But life, amazingly, goes on.  Sally and I went to the last program of the season for the Carolina Ballet last night, which was Robert Weiss’s version of Sleeping Beauty.  The music is by Tchaikovsky, and as Weiss explained at the beginning, the choreography comes in significant part directly from Marius Petipa’s nineteenth-century work.  For the most part, this was a very traditional, classical form of ballet.  I generally prefer the more abstract athleticism of Balanchine and his school (including Weiss) with modern dance inflections.  No matter.  Sleeping Beauty was wonderful.  Even the junior members of the corps de ballet showed considerable authority with classical technique, and the soloists were masters who communicate emotional depth within that framework.   Margaret Severin-Hansen as Aurora was etherial.  The costumes were also classically inspired (gowns and embroidered waistcoats and many tutus), and gorgeous.

We got a backstage tour courtesy of our friend Ginny at intermission.  It turned out, the action hadn’t really stopped.  On the stage behind the curtain, some of the dancers were practicing difficult passages or doing deep stretches.  It was disconcerting at first to shift from observer of a carefully planned spectacle to quasi-participant in the assembling of the spectacle, but fascinating.  We met Lilly Vigo, a great favorite of ours who was off for the night, and talked about her new baby, who was six months old that day.  We examined up close the intricate costumes and saw the swan boat and the huge dragon puppet in the wings.  A friend once told me that I was the kind of  person who likes to look behind curtains and see what’s really going on, and it’s true.  One of my fantasy careers is to be a stagehand.

After the show, we decided to have a drink at the Foundation, a tiny bar on Fayetteville Street that features a huge menu of American-made designer spirits.  The downstairs space was crowded, so we settled on stools at street level and did some people watching.  Two of our favorite soloists from the company, Lara O’Brien and Eugene Barnes, arrived shortly afterwards, and sat down next to us.  They seemed pleased that we were big fans, and we really enjoyed talking with them about favorite ballets, goings on in the company, and the travails of the professional dancer’s life.  This is the end of an arduous season for them, and both are looking forward to recovering from injuries over the summer.  We’re looking forward to seeing them again.

Soccer news — a non-fan’s notes

Last night Sally and I went out to see some professional soccer by our local team, the Raleigh Railhawks, who opposed the Tampa Bay Rowdies.  We had excellent seats (second row, midfield), and could see how young the players were, how skilled, and also how rough.

For me, the point was some refreshment after an intense work week.  In my days at the New Yorker, one of my friends who worked as a proofreader described going to the City Ballet after a hard day of catching tiny printing mistakes as a cool drink for the eyes.   My work also involves close focus on details and constant decision making.  I get that sort of release from ballet, and also from a close-up, live view of professional athletes.  Minor league baseball by our local Bulls and Mudcats usually has this refreshing effect, too.  TV sports doesn’t work the same for me.

Jocelyn was home from Colorado for a visit this week, and we all went out Thursday for some Thai food at Sawasdee.   When the conversation turned to sports, I asked Jocelyn what she thought was important about big time college sports, including those at her alma mater, NC State.  For her, sports and especially football were a fantastic part of the college experience.  She loved tailgating, loved the drama of a come-from-behind victory.  She enjoyed being part of moments when people united in support of a single cause.  And for her, the Wolfpack was definitely special.

I’ve never been a deeply committed fan of a sports team, so I thought this was both sweet and  interestingly strange.  For me, being a part of a sports crowd involves occasional moments of transcendence, so I know generally what Jocelyn meant.  But being in a crowd also usually involves stretches of wishing the people around me were better behaved.  I don’t get heckling, trying to distract players, or yelling when nothing particularly exciting is happening.   I always choose a team to pull for, but the choice seems basically arbitrary.  It’s hard for me to believe that one team is really more virtuous than another.

So, I was excited when the Railhawks scored the first goal, glad when the goalie made a diving save, and outraged when the referee missed a flagrant foul.  I was also annoyed at a young fellow who incessantly heckled the opposing coach.  I was anxious when the Rowdies tied it up late in the game, and disappointed when we lost, 2-1.  Then we went home, and I read for a while, and was moved by some poetry of  Wallace Stevens.

More fun at Red Hat, trying Mirage, yoga, and mindful driving

After the intensity of the trial in Texas and a great win, it was another intense week back at the Raleigh office of Red Hat, digging out of the pile of backlogged work and dealing with new emergencies.  Not for the first time, I felt on Friday as though I’d done a months’ worth of work in a week.  The range of activities was typical, but as always, varied — from solving specific IP problems to formulating strategy to addressing customers’ legal questions to being interviewed by reporters to writing and editing for opensource.com to drafting commercial agreements to dealing with management challenges — and along with these dozens there were literally dozens more still on the short term to-do list. I deal with one interesting issue after another, some of them important, all day every day.  I am never bored.  Is it stimulating?  Yes.  Exhilarating?  Yes.  Stressful?  Yes.

So as a matter of surviving and flourishing, on weekends I try to find some space to recharge and rebalance — some social time, some time alone, some time to care for the mind and body.  As to the social part, on Friday Sally and I went to Mirage, a  brand new club on the ground floor of our condo building which was having its pre-grand-opening.  It’s large (capacity 650) with a dance floor, large island bar on the ground floor, sushi bar in the back, second floor balcony space with another bar, and various side rooms.  The decor uses Egyptian motifs in a Vegas way, large video projections, a mirrored ball, and the waitresses in short gold-plated dresses.  The over all effect was glitzy but not gaudy.  We ran into Charles, who did a short speech as part of the dedication, and Ann and several people who live in the building.  We enjoyed talking to friends.  The sound engineering seemed good — very loud, but somehow tweaked so that it was still possible to talk.  Also, happily, the sound was not audible in our apartment.

I woke up early on Saturday and started to head over to Pullen Park to swim some laps, but then checked to see whether there was a  yoga class at Blue Lotus, which is next door.  There was:  Yvonne was scheduled for 8:00 to do an hour and a half open level class.  From past experience, I’d learned that open classes with Yvonne are fairly advanced classes, and for less advanced students, there’s no quarter given.   So it proved to be.  Yvonne likes to share inspirational words on such themes as oneness and truth, and she pushes the class past known limits of strength and flexibility.  After the first half hour, I wondered whether I could just hang on to the end.  I did, barely, soaked in sweat.  But I felt good the rest of the day.  I have no well-developed theory of why yoga helps over all well-being, but for me, it does.

I took my little German sports car out for a run in the afternoon.  Just east of Raleigh, Old Milbournie Road winds through farm fields and pastures, forests, lakes, and country stores.  It’s got some great curves and hills — an excellent road for just driving for fun.   When I got there, there was a caravan of minivans and pickup trucks led by someone proceeding 10 miles under the speed limit (45).  I had in mind the possibility of exceeding the speed limit (no worries — not too much), but this was clearly  not going to happen, so I tried to practice patience and enjoy the beautiful countryside.  Coming back, though, I had a stretch of the road to myself.  I felt the subtle weight shifts as the vehicle took the curves at speed, and the G forces as I accelerated out of them.  The sound of the exhaust note rising and falling as I shifted between third and fourth was like music.

After the trial, some great music

After a week in trial in Marshall, Texas, Red Hat and Novell won a jury verdict over a patent troll, and I headed home.  Trials are exhausting.  Exhilarating, too.  In our case, we had great lawyers from Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, who worked incredibly hard.  I was proud of them, their staffs, our experts, and our witnesses, and proud to be a part of history:  the first jury trial against Red Hat, the first full case in the preferred district for patent trolls, and the first jury verdict for open source software.  I’m writing about it in my professional capacity at opensource.com.

I was still feeling the warm glow of victory last night when Sally and I headed out for dinner and a concert by the N.C. Symphony.  We ate at Gravy, an oddly named Italian restaurant on Wilmington Street, where I had eggplant with tons of cheese and tomato sauce, my  traditional Italian comfort food.  The concert was all opera excerpts, featuring baritone Stephen Powell and mezzo Phyllis Pancella.  The programming was an odd mix of music — Bizet, Saint-Saens, Delius, Sondheim, Mozart, Wagner, Strauss, Puccini, Rossini, and Verdi — but it worked.

Powell was superb — rich, resonant voice, great characterization, and a wonderful musician.  When he did the aria O du mein holder Abenstern from Tannhauser, I got both goosebumps and teary eyes.   Pancella had a a pleasing voice and big personality, and showed agility worthy of a true bel canto artist in her aria from Cenerentola.  The orchestra sounded particularly fine in the Don Giovanni overture, the prelude to act three of Lohengrin, and the Triumphal March from Aida.

We had drinks after at Buku with Paul and Jenny.  As principal trumpet, Paul knows the inner workings of the orchestra, and gives a great perspective on how the music gets made.  We got caught up on the hirings and departures of various musicians, and heard stories of the musician’s life, including many crossings of  North Carolina by bus.  Then we walked home.

About cross-dressing for entertainment

We’ve been on a documentary kick recently, and saw a good one from Netflicks on demand last week. Pageant is behind-the-scenes view of  the Miss Gay America pageant, a contest for female impersonators. We meet and follow the paths of five or so contenders for the throne.

At first blush, the subject matter sounded a bit off putting.  Why would a male want to dress as a female?  Of those who would, who would want to go as public as possible with it?  I’d never given much thought to the subject of cross-dressing, but vaguely thought of it as a somewhat bizarre subculture. Plainly, cross-dressing violates a fairly powerful taboo. Again, without thinking much about it, I’d considered it as a little sad.

Pageant made me think in a completely new way. The contestants vary considerably in their looks, smarts, and manners, but they’re all completely sane and highly sociable. They’re all nice. And they’re all incredibly gifted in a particular way: transforming their appearance from male to female. The transformations are truly uncanny. Watching the various stages – choosing clothes, practicing movements, applying makeup (lots!) — it’s impossible not to respect their craft. These are very creative people with great eyes and imaginations. Artists, in an unusual form.

The Miss Gay America pageant followed the traditional Miss America format, with separate contests for evening ware, judges’ questions, and talent (lip synching, dancing, ventriloquism, etc.). The top contenders were professional drag show entertainers, and they were very polished, elegant, and funny.

The more surprising thing was how passionate they were about their art. In the behind-the-scenes interviews, we learned that most had spent years working on their personas and acts.  Some had spent many thousands of dollars on their wardrobes, and it didn’t look like any of them were getting rich. One noted that cross dressing is not a good way to get a date with a gay guy, who generally prefer guys who look like guys. From what we could see, these people just love what they do. And, although the film made little of this, they plainly have a lot of courage. The mainstream society isn’t about to get comfortable with what they do. Some people are violently opposed.

In the end, I found the stories in Pageant inspiring.  It’s a good reminder that some people who are really unusual like being unusual.  There are a lot of different ideas of fun and of beauty.  It makes the world interesting.

Another speech, with normal anxieties

Some months back, I agreed to do a talk on software patents for the NC Bar Association’s IP Section annual meeting.  When I accepted the invitation, I thought of the task as something of a public service.  I also thought there was plenty of time to do it, which there was.  By last weekend, though, there was not plenty of time; the talk was less than a week away.  My plate was overloaded with time sensitive matters, and there was no room in the schedule for philosophical reflection.  In the middle of the week, I finally carved out a bit of time to work on some slides, and I used the drive to Greensboro for the event as my one and only practice session.

In days gone by, I would get more anxious about this sort of situation.  It’s been a long time since I experienced a full dose of the terror of public speaking, but there’s always a concern that it might be lurking with a view to one more attack.  These days, my worries are more about whether my audience will find my talk interesting, meaningful, and helpful.  Or at least not boring.  And of course, I’m hoping the audience won’t think badly of me.

In the talk on Friday, I shared the stage with a very fine lawyer, Tom Irving.  I knew coming in that Tom was a very experienced speaker, with views quite different from mine on the issues at hand, and more than enough intellectual firepower to make my task uncomfortable.  In the event he was  gracious and personable.  In fact, our presentations were an interesting contrast of views and styles.  Our audience of perhaps 100 seemed interested, asked questions, and applauded.

As usual, after the varying worries, I enjoyed doing the presentation.  Also as usual, it was a great feeling to have it behind me.  It was a beautiful warm spring day when I climbed into my 911 to return to Raleigh.  I enjoyed the drive.

Talking about big problems, like healthcare

What strange political times we live in!  The lunatic fringe has seized the Republican party and is spewing forth venom and hysteria about the just-passed health care reform law.  With the new law, we moved some, but not a lot, in the direction of a more humane society.  It’s hard to believe any one thinks that this augers dramatic social change, either positive or negative.  But there’s a vocal minority that believe passionately that the law portends the end of democracy.  Some subgroup of that minority is advocating violent resistance.  This is craziness, and a bit scary.

It would certainly be possible to worry all the time about this and other big problems (global warming, nuclear and non-nuclear war, economic meltdown, political corruption, jihadism, failed states & etc.).   But worrying by itself doesn’t change anything, and is itself bad for your health.   What’s needed is dialog, plans for action, and action.  But it’s hard even to have a dialog.  Politics has become polarized, so that people who disagree find it difficult even to talk.  It’s unclear how we got into this box, and unclear how we get out.  But at a minimum, we need to try more talking.

Sally and I finally got around to watching Al Gore’s movie An Inconvenient Truth last week.  The basic message is now familiar to most of those willing to listen to it, and certainly familiar to us.  And the facts about global warming aren’t getting any better.  But it was inspiring to hear again the story of Al Gore, a failed presidential candidate, who passionately pursued an issue that he thought was vital.  He stayed with the message for years and played an important role on getting it onto the agenda.  I really admire him for that.  Now we’ve got to address the problem.

Ski adventures at Aspen

Why would a sensible person take up skiing?  The negatives are many.  It’s expensive.  The logistics are complicated.  It’s difficult to do well.  It’s physically arduous.  There is an element of danger and an element of fear.

But the transcendent beauty and wealth of sensations overwhelms all logic.  I had three ski days based in Aspen last week with Charles, Chuck, David, Emily, Steve, and Beau, in a small condo situated a block from the Ajax gondola.  We did Ajax on day one, and Gabe drove up from Telluride and joined us for days two and three.

As we started our day at Snowmass, Gabe declared that his primary interest was finding challenging terrain.  I quickly learned that he was not kidding.  He led David and me for most of the day in several long runs with many bumps, steeps, and glades.  It snowed heavily throughout the day with an eventual accumulation of about eight new inches.  With lots of powder, I quickly logged at least double my previous lifetime experience of tree skiing.

There were, of course, mishaps.  During aggressive mogul skiing I had four or five tumbles.  (I blame my bindings for releasing too soon on a couple.)  Falling in deep powder usually does not hurt, and I had only one minor injury (a sprained thumb).  But getting back into the skis in the steep and deep stuff is hard.  Once I had to ascend a good ways to retrieve a ski.  I stand by my theory that more falls correlate positively with improvement, and that if I’m not falling at all, I’m probably not trying hard enough.  At any rate, it wasn’t always pretty, but I skied with heart and integrity.

After lunch with the whole group at  Ulrhoff,  Gabe persuaded me to come with him to the famed Cirque headwall.  We started up the T-bar in heavy snow conditions, and it got worse and worse.  At the top, we found a total whiteout.  I couldn’t see enough of the snow to tell up from down, and at first had the odd sensation of skiing upwards.  The terrain was rated double black diamond EX, but it was impossible to see either threats or safety.  The only distinguishable features were orange marker disks, and we decided to follow those.  We turned, then turned, then turned.  A few hundred yards down, visibility improved, and we made our way into and out of some glades.

On my last day we went to Aspen Highlands, where we looked for and found fresh powder.   We had a few fine bump runs before we met the group for lunch at Merry Go Round.  Gabe then declared he wanted to go to Highlands Bowl, with the summit at 12,500 feet.  This involved riding to the top of the highest chair, taking a snow cat ride, and then hiking another several hundred feet up.  David and I agreed to have a go.  I bought a strap ($8) to put my skis on my back, and we headed up.

The hike was along a narrow ridge that at places was barely wide enough for one person.   It ascended sharply enough that most of the way felt like walking up stairs.  And it turned out to be incredibly arduous for those not well-acclimated to the altitude.  It was difficult to breathe, and eventually became difficult to place one foot in front of the other.  At one point, I proposed to David that we ski down without completing the route.  He told me he’d heard from another pilgrim that we were most of the way there.  It turned out that his informant had said we were not halfway there, which was wrong; we were in fact two-thirds finished.   A lucky call.  After almost an hour, David and I reached the summit, where Gabe had been waiting for fifteen minutes.  I was drenched in sweat and had a serious cramp in my left leg.  Such happiness!